Remote Nightclub Control

Gett’n In The Club

If you want to get past the asshole doorman and through the rope to hang out with the beautiful and famous people here is a little advice:
  • Be prepared to accept that you are not getting in, many do and many don’t but almost nobody actually talks their way in.
  • If you are really famous, mostly celebrity, and I don’t recognize you or you are afraid I wont, have somebody else tell me who you are. Don’t tell me yourself.
  • Don’t take it personally, I just don’t watch that much TV and I don’t read celebrity magazines.
  • Please don’t assume that because your name is really familiar to you that it will be to me.
  • If you are really a friend of a friend of mine make sure that my friend calls me before I am working to let me know you are coming.
  • If you are a friend of anybody else, including celebrities, I don’t care unless you are with them.
  • No cowboy hats…ever.  men or women.
  • If you are going to offer me money, don’t try to palm it, talk to me first and don’t talk to me for less than $100 per person, I’m busy even if I don’t look busy.
  • Don’t bother showing me you business card, I have no way of knowing if its real or not.
  • I am not in the entertainment industry and I don’t care if you are.
  • Please do not tell me that you work at CAA, UTA, The Firm or any other agency or studio. The minute I hear that I assume you are in the mailroom all day or getting coffee for somebody who is already inside.
  • Please make sure that your latest movie has US release, I have never been to a movie in Paris or Moscow.
  • I’m generally more interested in music than TV or movies
  • If I tell you the fire marshall has shut us down, he has.
  • If I tell you we are at capacity, and it looks empty, that means I am waiting for other people that I know are coming. Feel free to wait but don’t try to keep talking to me.
  • Don’t wave your hands or yell out my name (especially if you’re not sure you have it right). I see you.
  • Even if I seem rude, do not get an attitude with me. I am trying to be polite and kind but some people are just not getting in, you are probably one of them.
  • Don’t bother threatening me, its part of my job not to be intimidated and I usually have very big security guards very nearby even if you don’t see them.
  • When I ask you whose guest list you are on, tell me.
  • If you are on a guest list you know it, and I know that. If you are not on the guest list, tell me.
  • Offer me sex… and mean it. I know the difference.
  • Dress your best, I don’t really care that much about what style or if you are trendy, but I can usually tell if you are looking your best.
  • Men will never get past me in shorts and sandals.
  • Men should never come in groups, I don’t care how many models you have with you.
  • Groups of women should not bother putting the pretty ones in front, I can see you all and I don’t like beautiful women who think they have a better chance than the others.
  • I don’t want to hold your wallet, cell phone, keys or your friend or spouse while you just go inside to look for someone. Most people are shallow or desperate enough to give all these things up to get inside. You’re probably one of them in my mind.
  • If you have to use the restroom you should have thought of that before you left home.
  • If all your “friends” are inside and you’re not, take it up with them not me.
  • Don’t tell me you “should” be on the list if I have looked and you’re not. Its only your opinion and I don’t have time for theory.

TO GET PAST
By Andrew Brin
WGA reg#  1011715

1st time I heard THE BREAKS by Kurtis Blow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcLITA7Ugw0

written 7/2/2011

It was the summer of 1980, I think. I was just about to turn 21. I was at a summer festival in Chicago on Navy Pier, I don’t know the name of the event. I was with my family, with whom I did not like to be seen at all, in those days. I would look for any distraction or reason to split from them. I did not live in Chicago but I desperately wanted to live in a big city. I lived in Milwaukee Wisconsin, to which I had returned after boarding school in Connecticut because I couldn’t get my shit together enough to go directly to college after high school.

In the extremely crowded distance I heard music I didnt recognize but wanted to find. Sort of following the sounds and sort of just wandering off I really didnt know what I was looking for. When I walked up to the tent with only 100’s of African American people in it and everyone was dancing. I stopped to check it out. This was the sort of thing I only had really seen on Soul Train, which I had been watching every single week for years. After a while I realized they were dancing to the song I had heard from a distance.

The song played forever. Over and over again; the same song. I was familiar with DJ’ing from hanging around discos and trying my hand at mixing but I had never heard anybody just play the same song again and again. Now I know it was remixed live by the DJ but the same song played and the crowd never stopped or seemed to even slow down. The dancers danced and I was hypnotized by the rhythm and the repetition and the whole rule-breaking intensity of not ever changing the song.

Then there were the lyrics themselves. It was a philosophical song about acceptance in life and in self and in others. It was about freedom. It was Zen. It was for everybody who had some bad luck. It was meant to raise your spirit by helping you get past your setbacks. I didnt know the slang yet and I didn’t know it was also about a completely new way to make music. By just taking the breaks, that is the non-lyrical, parts of a song and playing just that part and adding your own lyrics. What I did know was that i couldnt get enough of it. I would have stayed forever if the song had kept playing.

Throw your hands up in the sky

And wave ‘em ‘round from side to side

And if you deserve a break tonight

Somebody say alright

I wanted to dance so much but I didnt know how and I certainly did not feel that I was a part of the scene. I stood there wanting it to be for me, the music and the energy. I completely forgot about my family and everything else for that matter. Eventually the song changed and I snapped out of my trance. I knew all the words as I walked away and had the beat in my brain, never to leave.

I have been a consumer of Hip Hop and especially its overachieving child, Rap, ever since that day. I became a Hip Hop DJ for many years. I learned to scratch when scratching was invented. I knew everything about it but I never did have access to many of the actual stars. I doubt I would have liked it any better if I had. To this day over 30 years later, Hip Hop still fills my soul when my soul really needs soul.

Breaks run cold and breaks run hot

Some folks got ‘em and some have not

But these are the breaks

Break it up, break it up, break it up!

Break down!

THE BREAKS – Kurtis Blow

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